I think he planned that especially.I think he planned that especially. I thought it was a silly and juvenile movie. I hate it when I get turned on by something silly and juvenile. We went to an intimate restaurant afterwards. He made me change into the long dark wig in the car before going into the restaurant. I could get to like being wined and dined. It's great, having a real income and living like people for a change. I have always insist- ed that money isn't important to me, but having dinner at a good restaurant and being pampered is a nice change from years of graduate school for J while I worked nights at the hospital, and a house in the country is a definite improvement over a studio apartment in Chicago. At dinner, we talked about the List and how I felt about it. He drove home the point that he felt "joined" to me by all this, more so than before. As he talked about it, I realized we were doing things together that set us apart from all the other people around us in the restau- rant. I looked around at them and suddenly J and I had a wonderful private very special secret together, and these people around us were going to go home and be ordinary for the rest of their lives. But at our table.... At our table there was something scandalous, wicked and sexy just under the surface; I wasn't wearing a thing under my dress but bandaids and nipple rings. If they only knew, I thought. All this was hidden from them only by the thinnest facade; a fraction of an inch of material. I felt I was living dangerously. I felt I should brighten up their lives a little. Maybe take off my wig and leave it as a tip. Didn't someone say that scandal is merely a compassionate allowance which the gay make to the humdrum? I think it was Oscar Wilde. |