We had grown apart somewhat, he said, and he wanted to keep it that way for a while longer.We had grown apart somewhat, he said, and he wanted to keep it that way for a while longer. Somehow it was nicer in theory than in practice. I guess the bedroom had made me feel a little alienated. "Besides," he said, "you are my slave now, and not supposed to ask questions." I had almost forgotten. Well, not forgotten, but I wasn't in the habit of thinking that way. It definitely made him feel a bit like a stranger. He said it like I was one. [Note from the Future: Near the end I was spending most nights in his bedroom, but we kept separate bedrooms to the very end. Somehow this made our relationship more exciting rather than less intimate. It had a special significance when one of us went to the other's room.] As I said, he had won first choice on the List. I am to be his slave for the first month. During this month he will do many of the other items on the List. By agreeing to the List two months earlier, I suppose I had already agreed to this, even though at the time I hadn't considered that the choice of one month of slavery would allow him to work through quite a few of the other items on the List before I even got my first turn. But it is enough that my turn would come. He must have wanted to put me off balance from the beginning. When my car was unloaded, he told me to change from my jeans and sweatshirt to a blouse and skirt with heels, nothing underneath. The act of changing my clothing, even in the privacy of my room, was somehow charged with erotic anticipation. I felt small and defense- less--almost like I was a prisoner in Dracula's castle. I know it sounds melodramatic, but the house seems so big after the studio apartment in Chicago. Even as I sit typing this in broad daylight the echoes make it seem a bit empty and spooky. And chilly. There is a desiccated bird corpse on the floor of one of the screened porches. At least I swept up the dust and roaches. Yesterday evening, when I came out of my bedroom it was getting darker; there was a shaft of late-afternoon sunlight slanting through the cavernous living room. |