I hadn't asked or even implied, that I wanted to play with him.I hadn't asked or even implied, that I wanted to play with him. Clearly my lover had made a decision to let another man use me. Part of me thought that I ought to be upset by this, but mostly it turned me on. Once I would have been, but things had changed. Over the last few months, I had reached a new place in my head while playing these games. I was finding that I could just let go of something dwelling inside of me. I no longer worried about what this meant to me, or why I wanted to do this. I gave up on big questions, on trying to figure out what I needed or what I wanted. I let my gut reactions of embarrassment and humiliation wash over me, leaving arousal in their wake. Those feelings only made me want more of my lover, and to let him take as much of me as he wanted. A thought that had gone through my head several times was along the lines: "he's gently, each time, pushing at my limits", but there wasn't much gentle about how we were playing. So I stayed on hands and knees, and I tried not think about going out. Still, it was hard to avoid those big glass doors in front of me. Jon had sat down on the couch, next to me and was fondling my breasts. More gently now than earlier, but it wasn't the intensity of the touch that pulling hard on me. I stood very still and thought about the fact that it was another man's hands touching me. It wasn't that it was just another man, I had had many lovers, male and female over the years. It was the scene. I hadn't played with anyone for a many years, until my lover and I had carefully begun this part of our relationship a year ago. |