We may be starting something new for us in a larger sense, too.We may be starting something new for us in a larger sense, too. When you come, I want you to feel that you are coming to something new, and I want to feel anticipation--maybe even a little apprehension? "For this reason, even though I will be visiting you in a few days, I don't want to just start up where we left off. I don't know if I can adequately explain this, but I don't want my visit to act as a transition from our old relationship to the new. Instead it should be a break. A point of demarcation. I don't want my visit to be 'business as usual' for us. "The fantasies we have written about are part of what is pulling us back together. I don't know if an active fantasy life is a sound basis for a relationship, but if we are going to do this, I want to do it right. Fantasies are killed by reality; fortunately the time we have spent apart has removed some of the reality from our relationship. Fundamentally, I know you are the person I love and trust. That is still the most important reali- ty. But almost as important: we have learned new things about each other through our letters, things that make each of us, to a certain extent, strangers. I want to meet you for the first time again, now that I realize you're not exactly the person I thought I knew. Can you understand that? And if I believe there is a large and mysterious territory to be explored inside your head--which I am beginning to suspect is the case--so much the better. Fantasies take root in the unknown, not the commonplace. |