[We thought of this late one night.[We thought of this late one night...] A GUIDE TO PROPER ETIQUETTE IN THE MEN'S RESTROOM Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's rooms," and several other names. As with any exclusive organization, wholy half the human race aren't allowed through the door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to maintain a sense of order and dignity. General rules: 1. Don't talk to somebody you don't know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself. 2. A quick glance in the mirror is permissable, but absolutely don't spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing, etc. Zit popping is only permissable after checking to see nobody else is around. 3. No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only. 4. If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to keep looking around. Read grafitti. Grafitti rules: 5. All grafitti is anonymous. If there's any chance somebody can trace your grafitti back to you, don't do it. 6. Writing grafitti in the open section of the bathroom is only acceptable if nobody can see you. Writing in the stalls is similarly acceptable. 7. If the bathroom is sufficiently public, feel free to insult different ethnic/racial/sexual groups. If the bathroom is used by a small few, restraint comments to amusing anecdotes or chit-chat about secretaries. If visiting dignitaries from other companies or the government may tend to use the bathroom, grafitti is forbidden. 8. Traditionally, all pictures feature women in various states of undress. Modern standards often include portions of male anatomy, discretely placed. Homosexual grafitti is generally frowned upon but is gaining popularity. 9. Pictures must only be drawn in toilet stalls. 10. |