If a stranger knew, I would be embarrassed too, but I could get into that kind of embarrass- ment.If a stranger knew, I would be embarrassed too, but I could get into that kind of embarrass- ment. Maybe. Anyway, he took special pains to tell me how beautiful he thought I was--especially in chains. I go all squirmy sometimes. And I like being constrained if it is by him; I'm not just writing that because he'll read this either. There was genuine admiration and warmth in his eyes when he spoke; I believed him, and, well, sometimes he just makes me go all squirmy, that's all. The things he says. He told me he wanted me to belong to him--even more than I already did. But he also told me I hadn't paid for the hacksaw blades yet, and there was a sudden remoteness in him then, a remoteness that made him hard to read. A bit like a parent that I had disappointed but that still loved me. There was something he wasn't telling me, though. I also think he was a bit pleased I had broken the rules, too. I didn't know what to expect as punishment. I wish to God I had known, but at the time I just felt a flush of warmth and nervous anticipation at the implications of what he said. Okay, so I'm a traitor to the midwest.... But if I had known. Jesus. I still can't believe what he did to me. When he asked if my sewing was finished, I explained that I needed a few things from the fabric store for the exotic dancer outfit and a few hours work, but that I knew he would like it when I finished it. The other, the bodysuit, was done and I would be glad to model it for him. I was being as careful as I could to not remind him of the hacksaw blades, but he was still holding himself distant. The warmth left his eyes when he lapsed into his formal 'master mode' and said "Stand up. This discussion is over. Step back, I want to look at you." And look at me he did. I stood in front of him, my chained wrists hanging in front of my thighs. I have gotten used to these sudden changes during our conversations, and have learned to change my attitude and react instantly. |