At least he didn't put his weight on my abdomen.At least he didn't put his weight on my abdomen. I didn't have an orgasm, and he didn't seem to care. When he was through with me he freed my arms. I cradled my stomach in my hands and started to rush to the bathroom. "Wait," he said. I stopped, but didn't turn to face him. I just stood there shifting from foot to foot, wishing I could get back to normal. "You're beautiful when you're worried, too," he said. I tried to regain a measure of composure, steadied myself, and turned to face him. I still held my abdomen in my hands as though it were fragile enough to burst. "Okay," he said, releasing me. In the bathroom, I pulled gently on the string until I could puncture the condom with a nail scissors. The condom emptied quickly and so did I. I'm sorry if I can't dress this up and make it sexy and entertaining, but I didn't feel very sexy or entertained myself. I had told him he could do anything he wanted to me, but I think (hope) he chose to do this to me in order to get me to change my mind about continuing with him as top. Or maybe J has better associations with this sort of thing than I do because he has a prostate to be stimulat- ed. Maybe a pretty nurse gave him an enema once. Ask Freud. I was not turned on by it. Okay. I endured it, I wrote about it. I consider myself to be pretty liberal on most issues. I don't think anything is so obscene that it justifies censorship but this, to me, was pretty gross. I felt ... well, defiled. I define obscenity as whatever produces an erection in a judge. At least I felt that way up to now. I'm not so sure I feel that way any more. Maybe what J did to me was obscene. Maybe he meant it to be. I concluded that if he were to continue as top, I wouldn't want to explore that particular avenue any further. Maybe that's why he did it. I probably gave him the idea anyway when I cleaned myself out for anal sex. But I don't want to do that scene again. I don't. The List Column One Item 21 He made it up to me the next day, though. |