On this particular night of insomnia, I chose to act out the forbidden.On this particular night of insomnia, I chose to act out the forbidden. Though I loved you, I was frightened to even imagine sharing myself in lovemaking with you. The guilt was immense; what if he found out I was dreaming of another man? What if he knew that secretly, passionately, I thought of you and those thoughts only heightened my emotions more? But I had to do something before I went out of my mind, before I acted my fantasies out in reality and destroyed everything I had. I had to keep the thoughts from becoming flesh. And so I closed my eyes, and my deft fingers slipped down beneath the cotton sheets of the dark bed, down into the recesses of my body. My left arm stretched behind me, above my head, while my right began to explore the sense of fur and soft, padded skin. It was the place I knew I could never allow you to see, touch, tase, smell; but I could imagine you in my place, imagine you making love to me as I made love to myself. The moment my middle finger found the small, hidden knobby treasure, my mind flashed images of you and I, tangled. Your mouth pressing itself like a wound into my neck, my lips, my shoulders. |