I gasped for real at the sensation and tried to push forward away from the pain.I gasped for real at the sensation and tried to push forward away from the pain. "Wait!" I squeaked, "It's too big!" He was already being gentle, but he's a little bigger than the vibrator I had in there before. He had prepared me well with lots of lubricant, though, and was already partly inside. I can't describe the sensation of being parted and penetrated there. The anticipation when he held my cheeks apart was exquisite. I'm proud to report that I savored the anticipation and apprehension like a gourmand tasting a new dish for the first time, fully aware that there can be only one first time. I felt as though I were truly being violated, though--more so than when I lost my virgin- ity. But it was a delicious violation. I remember a fleeting and unarticulated thought flashing through my mind: "This time I will experience rather than endure." (Actually it was more like: "Ouch! Oops. I gotta try and enjoy it this time.") After that I stopped thinking. I panted, taking my breath in short gasps as though a deep breath would have somehow hurt, and I cried out several times as he slipped incrementally deeper into me. He stopped and waited while I tried to relax more to accommodate his size. During the pauses he flexed (?). I don't know what the actual physiological basis for this is, but he kind of twitches and seems to grow momentarily larger inside me. It's not a motion of the hips, but of his actual organ. Anyway, I call it flexing for lack of a better description, even though I don't know of any muscles to explain it (I checked Gray's Anatomy. It was no help) and J doesn't know what he does either, but he's sure all males can do it. It is another deli- cious feeling--one that really helped as he continued to gently pulse his way into me. It really is profoundly different from "normal" sex. It was a feeling of being filled up. That describes it best. It was all the more foreign and new because it is accompanied by sensations that I normally associate with being emptied. But I was being filled com- pletely and couldn't escape it: I tried to wiggle away--and I savored not being able to escape. Finally he was thoroughly in. I could feel his hips tight against my buttocks. |