"No, thank you," I said, praying."No, thank you," I said, praying. Fervently. "Well, just let me know if I can help you." ThankyouGodOThankyou. I swear, if she had asked me why I wanted to keep my coat, I would have said `Oh, for sentimental reasons.' I couldn't think of any other reason. Total blank. Idiot. In the changing room I slipped the coat off, the dress on, smoothed it down and looked at myself in the mirror. It was obvious to me that I wasn't wearing anything underneath it, but I didn't know if it would be to anyone else. The dress was (is) very form-fitting. At least I couldn't see through it. Or at least I thought I couldn't. My nipples aren't dark enough to show through, and, of course, no dark pubic hair. If my nipples didn't become erect--which of course they did immediately--no one would notice a thing. I look okay without a bra. I mean I don't sag much. J says I sag just exactly the right amount, whatever that means; I always thought ANY sag was too much, but he insists that's not true. Something about the way they slope, or something, he says. Men. I waited and tried to concentrate on other things until my nipples stopped performing. I came out and modeled the dress for J, expecting the shop assistant to show up any moment with a security guard: "That's the one, Officer." When she did show up, I was afraid to even look at her in case my guilty expression gave me away. I really don't think she could tell, though. At least she kept a straight face while she told me how nice it looked, trying to make a sale. Of course, my nipples betrayed me immediately, erect and screaming, "Here we are! Look! Over here! No underwear at all! Call the police!" She probably would have had me arrested if she hadn't been on commission. She rang it up and took J's credit card. "Would you like me to box it for you?" "Uh," I said wittily. We Hoosiers are known for our wit. "Why don't you wear it?" said J. Then to the shop assistant, "Would you get the lady's coat, please?" My eyes bugged out, and when she had gone I whispered fiercely, "She'll see I wasn't wearing anything!" He smiled benignly. "There's no other dress in the changing room!" I explained, thinking he didn't understand, that he was the stupidest person on the planet. He just smiled. I wanted to hide. I hit him. |