At the outset, she continued, the drug would manifest itself in the form of an inability to resist the instructions of the therapists or to voice any objections.At the outset, she continued, the drug would manifest itself in the form of an inability to resist the instructions of the therapists or to voice any objections. After several sessions however, I would find that I no longer would have any serious objections or reservations and that the therapy would progress smoothly for all concerned. I cannot begin to describe my feeling of helplessness as the terrible truth was revealed. I assured Miss McGee that I understood the need for such a measure and that I was quite anxious to begin. It was my own voice, but those were not the words I wanted to say! Nor did my expression of eager excitement reflect my true feelings at the time! As I listened to Carol McGee's brief run-down of the therapy I had signed up for I found myself beginning to admire her poise and self- confidence. Although she was obviously younger than I, she projected the experience of a much older person. As if sensing my thoughts (a skill I was later to learn that was shared by all the therapists I would meet), she explained that she too had been in my position only a few years earlier. It seems that she had been a star pupil and had been offered a position on the permanent staff at the institute. She thoroughly enjoyed her job now because, in addition to her present capacity, she also served as a therapist. We would definitely meet again under much different circumstances. At that moment I made the first positive step toward coming to grips with my situation. I believed what Carol had told me about the effects of the drug because I did want to object, to explain that a terrible mistake had been made, but could not! I determined to make the best of it, though, and the knowledge that I would see her later under what could only be some physically intimate conditions sent a ripple of excitement through me. Again, I felt that she was aware of my thoughts because she smiled warmly and assured me that I would not regret my decision. Her hand disappeared beneath the desk top and I heard a buzzing sound somewhere in the distance. Carol explained that it would be necessary for me to have a physical examination, and that my escort would return to take me to the lab. She said that all applicants are thoroughly examined as a means of controlling the possible spread of disease. |