Then I ran into the bathroom to look for scissors or a razor to cut the strap.Then I ran into the bathroom to look for scissors or a razor to cut the strap. When I turned the light on I caught sight of myself in the mirror. My face was grotesque. My mouth was held open--wide open--lips stretched around this thing and lipstick smeared. My eyes were round and frantic above it. My hair was wild, tangled around the strap. My shaking hands fluttered uselessly around the gag, feeling at the corners of my poor mouth and around the back of the strap. I banged medicine cabinet doors open and rummaged through the dressing table drawers, but there was nothing I could use to cut it. He knew there was nothing. That's why he'd left me alone. I ran back out through the bedroom to the living room. He was sitting in the armchair by the fireplace, looking into the fire. He even didn't look up. I ran toward my bedroom where my toiletries were--I knew there were scissors there. The hall door was locked. So was the kitchen door. I just stood there not knowing what to do next. I walked back to the living room and stood in the doorway. Obviously, I wasn't going to get around this without his help. I needed to get control of myself. I went to the desk and scribbled on an envelope: 'PLEASE TAKE IT OUT!' and handed it to him. Without looking at it he said, "Sit down." I sat. "Are you in serious pain?" I thought a moment, took a long shaky breath (in through my nose: I could only exhale, mumble, and drool around that thing in my mouth). "Ah," I said, shaking my head 'no'. "Is it on the List?" "Ah," I nodded, wiping saliva from the side of my mouth with my hand and wiping it on my naked hip. Bound and gagged, it was there on the List. "Then think about it until you know what to do," he said. "You don't have to be a rocket scientist." I sat on the sofa, knees togeth- er, hands folded in my lap, again the prim victorian except for... well, just about everything. I was helpless. He already had complete control, so he couldn't want that. I knew it all started because of my laughing over the blindfold. Really, it was as much nervous laughter as humorous. I often react to unfamiliar situations with a nervous laugh. I have embarrassed myself several times by laughing at absolutely the exact wrong moment, like when someone said his dog was dead and I thought for some reason that he was kidding, and he really liked the dog. |