" A dentist, young doctor Malone, Got a charming girl patient alone, And, in his depravity, Filled the wrong cavity." A dentist, young doctor Malone, Got a charming girl patient alone, And, in his depravity, Filled the wrong cavity. God, how his practice has grown. There was a young woman of Cheadle, Who once gave the clap to a beadle. Said she, "Does it itch?" "It does, you damned bitch, And it burns like hell-fire when I peedle." Said a swinging young chick named Lyth Whose virtue was largely a myth, "Try as hard as I can, I can't find a man That it's fun to be virtuous with." There was a young man from Racine Who invented a fucking machine. Concave or convex, It served either sex, But oh what a bitch to keep clean. An ambitious lady named Harriet Once dreamed she was raped in a chariot By seventeen sailors A monk and three tailors, Mohammed and Judas Iscariot. There was a gay countess of Bray, And you may think it odd when I say, That in spite of high station, Rank and education, She always spelled cunt with a 'k'. A talented girl from Detroit Could fuck you in ways quite adroit. She could squeeze her vagina To a pin-point or finer Or open it out like a quoit. There once was a plumber from Leigh, Who was plumbing his maid by the sea, Said she, "Please stop plumbing, I think someone's coming!" Said he, "Yes, I know, love, it's me." here was a young man named Crockett Whose balls got caught in a socket. His wife was a bitch, And she threw the switch, As Crockett went off like a rocket. There once was a lawyer named Rex, With a minuscule organ of sex. When arraigned for exposure He maintained with composure, "De minimis non curat lex." There was a young lady at sea Who complained that it hurt her to pee. Said the brawny old mate, "That accounts for the state Of the cook and the captain and me." A widow who fancied a man some Was diddled three times in a hansome. When she clamored for more Her young man became sore And exclaimed "My name's Simson not Samson." There once was a lady named Myrtle Who had an affair with a turtle. She had crabs, so they say, In a year and a day Which proved that that turtle was fertile. A handsome young fellow named Morris, While licking his girlfriend's clitoris, Said to the lass, ``Honey, You sure do taste funny. |