I kept trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to let her get away with this, but my heart wasn't in it and I finally gave up fighting myself.I kept trying to convince myself that I wasn't going to let her get away with this, but my heart wasn't in it and I finally gave up fighting myself. I decided to just let whatever happens, happen. After all, even if I decided to stay on at this agency for my current salary, I still was doing just fine financially. And besides, I knew I wouldn't give up the new job just for some cheap flirting -- Mary was going to have work for her money. I at least had enough self-control to hold out for that...or at least I hoped so. So I began to get excited about playing hard to get and seeing how far Mary would go, and I tried to imagine what might transpire once she returned. But then I had another thought: what if she was just going to give me the magazine and then go back to work? What if I was assuming too much about her? Maybe she really _was_ trying to be friendly and that was it. After all, Rachael _did_ tell her to make me comfortable, and perhaps the flirting and the 'Penthouse' were simply a product of Mary's overzealous desire to be helpful. Or worse yet for me, what if Mary was indeed trying to seduce me, but suppose she just gave me the magazine and then waited for me to make the next move. Most men would catch the hint and be all over her, but I'm so damn shy and insecure that I'd never have enough guts to try anything with her -- even with a lot of encouragement. Making a pass at a woman is the most terrifying thing I can imagine. A psychologist would probably say its a phobia with me, as is anything involving my being sexually agressive and taking those kinds of risks. And so I feared that if she wasn't extremely aggressive, and I thought it quite unlikely that she would be, I would sit there like an idiot like I usually do in these situations and blow the whole thing. |